A lot of people are experiencing true loss.Hundreds of millions of people. THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT TRUE LOSS. I feel for you, I just lost a beloved aunt this week.
This blog is about the other loss that we feel, the one we can do something about, the so-called illusory loss. It is a perceived loss, an illusion, but it ends up with the same emotional message. And that message is that you are hurt.
I get hurt by other people when I put expectations on them. Sometimes my expectations are spot on and sometimes they are a little inappropriate, and other time’s they are just way out there in left field. That message of hurt and pain translates into a feeling of loss, and there is the enemy and his favorite tactic, fear. And since fear is the root and is a Phantom Feeling, then the feeling of loss is too.
Just because someone is annoyed or angry with you and raises their voice in frustration does not mean that they do not love you, that you have lost their love. In fact, very often I find that when my expectations are not met, that there is something else even better revealed. Most often this happens when I have moved too quickly in judging a situation or made too strong a response.
Stepping out of your 1st person self and into your 3rd person self (as if you were an observant 3rd person in the discussion), a great thing to say and a question to ask would be “I know this is important to you and you care about me, but could you really spell out for me your view or perspective, I am struggling here?”
And when I AM THE annoyed or frustrated person I clearly spell out my expectations because I learned a long time ago that people will treat you the way you allow them too. After I spell it out I let it go and move on. Depending on the person, if the behavior continues, I can revisit and reinforce my expectations, I can be more patient and tolerant, or I can move on. I always pray for the person. It may help them, but it certainly helps me. Because an unmet expectation is always a setup for a feeling of of being hurt, or “trespassed against”, or put another way, one or more of the 7 trespasses or resentments, these “instant replays ” we do in our heads concerning the feelings of a past situation, and which instantly dump the same neurotransmitters and hormones and chemicals into our blood streams which change the way we feel right now, sometimes even more so than we did at the time of the original perceived hurt. And as I have shared many times before, repetitive release of cortisol which elevates blood sugar, and adrenaline which constricts your arteries and jacks up heart rate and respiration is going to be taxing on your body, mind, heart and soul, both in the moment and over time. Since this all ties back to a feeling of loss, and that is part of Phantom Fear, you can see how it literally has the power to kill. And that explains a lot of things you are witnessing in real time today.
God Bless, Stay Safe, Stay Healthy, Do the Right Thing. Expect that of Yourself.
