Wishing for a different set of circumstances is a waste of time and energy. In fact that disempowering behavior is diametrically (opposite of) opposed to the trend of the direction of flow of energy of the spirit. If this pattern of behavior is performed or repeated enough it leads to restlessness, irritability, discontentedness, anxiety and even depression. It can spawn all manner of mental, emotional, physical and spiritual maladies which further disempower the individual – unhealthy relationships, addictions, poor behavior, lowering of self-esteem, so many more.
But how can simply wishing for things to be different do all of those things? Very simple, one of my favorite topics. Have you guessed it yet? It’s all about FEAR! That’s right – Forget Everything is All Right in this context. You see the two definitions of fear that I teach as a coach are: 1) it is a feeling that you are not going to get what you want or 2) a feeling that you are going to lose what you have. Either one of these feelings, i.e. a change in your blood chemistry and neurosystem that is the state of emotion, will have you wishing for different circumstances. What this feeling reallY is telling you is a CALL TO ACTION, a CALL TO CHANGE.
But HOW? Well here I am using an acronym for Honesty, Open-Mindedness and Willingness. Let’s start with O and W first. And I will use a personal and traumatic and life changing event to illustrate this – death.
27 years ago my first born son died in my arms, only 4 hours after being born. I went from a state of elation to a state of utter devastation over the course of those 4 hours as did the rest of the family who were there. It was crushing to my mind, my emotions, my physical body and my spirit. But it was the spiritual belief I had of “My life is in perfect order even if it makes no sense to me right now” that carried me through that life storm. This precious little incantation I share with you is an acceptance of things being just the way they are supposed to be right now. Adoption of this belief requires one to be open minded and willing, believing that God has a plan and because you are here today you are part of His plan. This belief, nay conviction, was the only thing that allowed me to pick out an infants coffin and make funeral arrangements. Did I mention that I had to take a midterm exam at UCLA the very next day? B+, would have aced if a had the opportunity to sleep and were in a less grievous state. Still got my PhD. I used my life event to focus on helping others.
Alright, but where does the honesty come in? Oh my friends, many of you will not like this one little bit. You might want to put away this blog because this simple little truth is just too much for many. It is this “if you don’t feel right then you’re wrong”. Yep, said it, the person you look at in the mirror is the source of all your unhappiness. Now I know that those who have been victims of crimes, abuse, and other life events are really getting upset about this right now. Great, you should, it means you are ready, you are unhappy about where you are right now. I often hear “I never asked for that to happen” or “I didn’t deserve that” and many other protestations. I want to draw those back to my life event of infant death and tell you well neither did I. It is o.k. until it holds you back. So if you are that upset and emotional and have that belief then we have arrived to the hard part, getting honest with yourself. And here is a writing exercise for you to do. Write the answers out. Stop only when you have no more to say. This exercise is like a car wash for your spirit and soul which allows you to wash away the mud of life.
This great set of questions to a ask of yourself are: Do I honestly believe I am a victim? What does believing I am a victim do for me? Does this give me comfort or does it disempower me if I am honest about this? Does this belief hold me back or does it move me in the direction that I want to go? How could I use these events and circumstances as a source of strength and determination to get to where I want to be? – (after all you did make it through or are going to make it through this) – What is the call to action or call to change that I feel inside myself right now? When would Right Now be the right time to take this call to action or call to change? What will my life be like 1 year from now if I do nothing? Will it be better or worse? What will like be like 5 years from now if I do nothing to change or take no action, will I be happier? Now envision your life 10-20 years from now if you do nothing at all. These last answers should be very discouraging; great they are your leverage, they are the future pain you will avoid by taking action Right Now.
Take a Leap of Faith that you are part of the plan, that you were meant for greatness, that everything is in perfect order even if it makes no sense to you right now.
